Trusting Ourselves

It is easy for us to look at outward and often point out why we don’t trust others. It could include that they don’t really care about us or they aren’t reliable and don’t follow through on their commitments. Or it could be that they are not sincere in their words and even share information that isn’t theirs to share in the first place. 

Today I want to bring our view of trust inward towards ourselves. Self-trust is often overlooked in the discussions on trust but is critical to the process of trusting others. As the saying goes, “you cannot give, what you do not have.” How often have you made a commitment to yourself to go to the gym, give up drinking alcohol, or finally clean that room, and you don’t follow through? We don’t think about our own reliability to ourselves. This skill takes practice. Making a commitment to yourself and following through on it builds trust with yourself. 

Here are suggestions to start practicing self-trust. Commit to one thing: i.e., cleaning a room, a drawer, or going to the gym at 6 am. Make this commitment to yourself the day before you want to do it (at least). This is using your prefrontal cortex (your thinking brain). Your lizard brain will talk you out of it in the moment most of the time because you are too tired, too hungry, and convince yourself that not following through on your commitment is ok or not that important.  It is important! You are important!

Mark your commitment in your calendar. Then follow through. And follow through with the same passion that you would if you made a commitment to a boss or a great friend. These small commitments, as you build up your reliability in yourself, help build self-trust.  

When you don’t follow through on a commitment to yourself, do not beat yourself up. There is no benefit to self-flagellation; that moves you farther away from trusting yourself. Look at what you committed to do, what happened (without judgement), and what you could learn or do differently. Approach this self-reflection with curiosity, not blame. What happened is neither good, nor bad, it just is and there is always an opportunity to grow and do better next time. Lasting learning requires struggle and a lot of practice.